Making it Work.

April 22, 2011

Charles Schultz felt my pain.

The board of directors at Soul Worn Thin – of which I am a member (the only member) – made an executive decision today, one that will shape the future of this blog. We decided to spend only as much time discussing other people on this blog as is necessary to advance our narrative (my narrative). I drafted a long post today that discussed another person at length as part of a greater exposition on my recovery. But even though it was anonymous, it just started to feel like I was ranting, and I don’t want this to be that kind of thing. (English teacher: what is “this,” what is “that?” Shut up, English teacher, we’re on the interwebs, a.k.a., the Wild West of grammar and diction.)

We all have things going on in our lives that motivate us to do the things we do. I’m no different. But if I dwell too long on the things that played a role in my addiction, I risk placing the blame on someone else for my own personal decisions.  And that is tantamount to blame-shifting, an old habit I’m really trying to break. It’s closely related to rationalizing, the great enabler of the psyche. 

I feel like it’s much more productive for me to spend time talking about me and my thought process. That’s not the same as being oblivious to what and who my triggers are, but I don’t think that making a punching bag out of someone else will do me any good. Besides, I’ve got plenty of baggage on my side of the street.

An aside: while searching for the image above, I came across the creepiest thing I have ever seen:

Stop creeping me out, life-like Charlie Brown water-color painting!

 Someone actually took the time to paint a water-color life-like Charlie Brown. The result is horrifying. This, I think, is what roboticists (bear with me) refer to as the uncanny valley. The uncanny valley is the dip in positivity in recorded human responses to a given human facsimile, whether in animation (the characters in the movie The Polar Express, for example, creep me out big-time), or robotics. The short of it: there is a point at which non-human things become too human. At that point, we, the real things, get creeped out by the things pretending to be human.  

Can you imagine anything more terrifying than a robot that looked like that painting? That’s a horror movie script waiting to be written. It even already has a title: Bad Grief, Charlie Brown. Except of course “Bad” is written in splattered blood (I am not well, I have never suggested anything less to you; you should not be surprised by this).

Anyway, the uncanny valley is called a valley because at some point, the positive response starts to go back up, presumably as the facsimile starts to resemble a real human. Usually. I think I’ve found an exception. Because, the answer to my question above, is “yes, there is something more terrifying than the Charlie Brown painting,” and I didn’t even have to perform a new image search to find it. Because a Charlie Brown image search also turns up (wait for it), this guy:

Holy Child molester, Batman!   (Not an actual child molester. Probably.)


I almost hesitate to say anything because I don’t want to ruin it. Just suffice to say that you don’t ever want to put yourself in a scenario where when people post a photo of you, they feel compelled to add “not an actual child-molester” in the caption, because the photo, all by itself and without comment, implies that you, in fact, are a child-molester.

Now that I’ve made Charles Schultz turn over in his grave (twice), I’ll sign off for now. It looks like I’ll be flying out on Sunday, so it’ll be business as usual until then. I hate flying, by the way. Airplanes feel like aluminum tubes of death to me. I ordinarily medicate myself until I don’t care whether I live or die. That is obviously not an option for me on this trip, so if you have any curiousity about who I am at all, be on the look-out for a story about a man going ape-shit on a flight to Florida. You’ll get a mug-shot and everything.




One Response to “Making it Work.”

  1. Elle said

    Perhaps you should pick up a bottle of lavendar oil from Whole Foods. It is wonderful for stress and will most certianly help to calm you down. All you have to do is inhale its fragrance and of course it’s totally harmless. Gotta love naturopathic medicine:)

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